The Dr.J.L.Murphy Interview On Parenting

Dear readers here we are again with another unique interview with Dr.J.L.Murphy of http://fionnchu.blogspot.com and http://notthelatimesbookreview.blogspot.com/ .You will agree with me that Dr.Murphy is not like the interviewees that we’ve had on this site before now, But l felt it was very important to hear from other people who are not your main-stream parenting experts.

Sikaz:  Could you tell us your name, location and age?

Dr.Murphy: John M. Los Angeles. 49 years old.

Sikaz: What is your opinion about parenting; is it worth it?

Dr.Murphy: Mixed bag. The fact we never get to actually choose to be biological parents, if fathers, and it’s always a reaction to our partner’s pregnancy does make it always for any father a “delayed response.” The joys are often enumerated, but the uncertainty of how one performs one’s role as a father, the expense, the worry, the uncertainty, the heartache may be factors less articulated by most fathers, I suspect.

Sikaz: What is your opinion about breastfeeding?

Dr.Murphy: No problems with it.

Sikaz: What are the things one should look out for while choosing a nanny?

Dr.Murphy: Flexibility in responses, firmness with humor, intelligence with empathy, watchfulness with encouraging the child to develop his or her own responses to situations as well as being directed by the nanny.

Sikaz: Would you describe your older child’s experience when the younger child was born?

Dr.Murphy: Three years apart, so hard for me to recall much as the older son was so little. Basically, the older one felt left out, and not the center of attention.

Sikaz: How would you describe your typical day as a parent?

Dr.Murphy: As that of teenaged sons, negotiating what they want vs. our needs as parents, discussing issues at school and personal life, driving them to/from friends or school, and feeding them and giving them money, it seems!

Sikaz:What is your personal opinion about teenage parenting?

Dr.Murphy: To be discouraged at all times.

Sikaz: What do you think could be done to stop teenagers’ involvements in violence and hard drugs?

Dr.Murphy: Showing them peers or older people who have wound up regretting their violent or drug-fueled behaviors; linking people they know to these as bad examples, and discussing media images and coverage of situations with violence and drugs to take the glamour out of the sensationalized coverage that often is the norm in the media.

Sikaz: What are the causes of teenage disrespect and how could it be stopped?

Dr.Murphy: This seems to be a tough issue as my sons mirror so much disrespect from their peers and from the media. I think this is a contributing and amplifying factor to a generational gap where children now tend to talk back much more without fear of physical retaliation by parents (unlike my generation and/or class and cultural background) so they push the limits more with their parents, who tend not to retaliate as much. The moral and cultural standards here have loosened in the past forty-odd years, so the parents and children in their desire to bond more intimately have also perpetuated a casual, and often too easily transgressed, model of stepping over into inappropriate language.

Sikaz: What is your advice for those who are planning to be parents one day?

Dr.Murphy: Not to rush into it. Nobody actually decides the moment of conception, so any pregnancy and parenting as I mentioned earlier seems after the fact in a way, but unless one adopts children, the reaction to parenting is always a delayed one. This means planning may or may not work for the real moment of parenting-to-be, so to speak. Thus, the contexts and financial and emotional readiness need all the more to be prepared for before the confirmation of a pregnancy and decision to give birth happen. Once that happens, it’s preparing for a situation already in progress.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about books, seminar and workshop on parenting?

Dr.Murphy: Probably fine, but talking to parents first hand that one admires may be as effective.

Sikaz: Are parenting coaches relevant and helpful to parents?

Dr.Murphy: I don’t know any coaches, so I cannot speak as to their effectiveness. It may be similar to a psychiatrist or doctor, in getting professional advice, and the distance that a relative or family member may not have may be beneficial for parents, but I cannot speak from experience.

Sikaz: Some parents seem to be neglecting their parenting activities for their career, what is your opinion on this and its effects on the society at large?

Dr.Murphy: This is crucial, and I admit in my own profession with changing hours and demands online as well as onsite at a considerable distance from home, this has been detrimental. The sheer costs of living in an expensive city in uncertain economic times in a profession where jobs are hard to find and keep means that I did have to neglect a large chunk of parenting activities for the necessity of establishing my credentials by education and then finding and keeping my job. I think the effects can be seen in the amount of single parents, abandoned smothers and children, harried families, long commutes, declining literacy, and detached intimacy between children and parents.

Sikaz: Thanks Dr.Murphy.This has been insightful and l really enjoyed interviewing you.I hope you won’t mind answering my questions anytime l find it necessary to come again?

Dr.Murphy: It’s been very interesting answering these set of questions. Thanks for the opportunity. I hope your readers find the responses useful enough. You’re always welcome.