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Being a good mother goes beyond giving birth to your own baby biologically.

There are many mothers out there who are not worthy of the name “mother” in the real sense of the word.

Mothers come in different shapes and manners across race,ethnicity or religious leaning. But being a good mother is universally acceptable as the best thing to being called a mother indeed.

It is therefore very essential that a person who is aspiring to give birth to her own babies  should learn to be a good mother to such a baby.

The following are tips that will make you a good mother, provided you do them.

* Be there for your children by providing there physical, emotional and financial needs at all  times.

* Provide avenue for your children to tell you whatever is bothering them.

* Be supportive to your children and inculcate good values in them.

* Encourage the things that give your children  joy as long as such things are not harmful to them.

* Support those things that will make them fulfill their dreams in life.

* Be approachable, you will never regret being so.

* Give your children reason to be confident that their mother will treat them well.

* Create a way to make your children express themselves irrespective of what it is they have to talk about.

* Love your children unconditionally.

* Be there for your children and never allow your devotion to your work be detrimental to the care of your children.

* Discipline your children where there is the need for it. But you must discipline in love.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Are you a parent of an only child?

Do you feel that you must be very careful, or perhaps extremely careful and caring about your only child to the extent that you must care for the child as if you’re caring for four other children you’ve not had.

Do you shower your only child with so much care that you’re even bothered about what others think of you and the way and manner you care for your only child?

Well, there is no harm in that.

I don’t hold anything against you for what you’re doing.After all it’s your life and that of your child.

However, l want to point your attention to the sins you may be committing unwittingly in your parenting activities while caring for your only child.

These are sins that you can avoid if only you are a little careful about your actions towards your only child.

The sins are so important in your child’s life that they should be of concern to you as a parent who truly loves his or her child to the extent of wanting to make whatever sacrifice there is to be made even at your own expense and possible negative effects on the child.

These are the sins of parenting an only child that you must try to avoid if you must make a success of  your parenting efforts:

1.Overindulging and overcompensating: You’re probably
overindulging your child without knowing it simply because he or child is the only child you have now.The consequences of this is that your child will not see life the real way it is. You’ve not allowed him or her to go through  the necessary hardships that will perhaps toughen him or her to become a person that could fit into whatever situation he or she may find himself or herself in life.

2.Treating your child like an adult: It’s a sin to go about treating your only child like an adult when he or she isn’t. This is a child and that’s the simple truth about the situation on ground.

Your child should be allowed to pass through the normal stages of human growth and nothing short of that would be tolerated. You can’t create a vacuum because nature will not allow that. Your child can’t jump over what he or she should naturally go through.

3.Over praising your child: Don’t be tempted to over praise your child no matter how impressed you’re with whatever activity he or she has performed to your satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m trying to very careful here because l don’t want to be misunderstood completely.

You should praise your child if you’re impressed by what he or she has done. But you’ll be making a mistake if you over do it. Praise is a human need because we all thrive on praises shower on us by those who appreciate
what we’re doing or what we’ve done.

4. Overprotecting your child: Let your child know that you’re there for him or her at all times, but never be tempted to go beyond the normal by overprotecting the child.

What is wrong in overprotecting your child is simply that the child will never be wrong as far as you’re concerned. She or he will never learn the right lessons of life which is that all of us must strive and struggle for ourselves without relying on others to help us defend us at all times.

Let your child protect him or herself with a little contribution on your own part. By so doing the child will be developed and feel safe even when you’re not there to protect him or her.

5.Failing to make rules: The world is orderly simply because it’s guided by rules and order. For this reason we all must learn to go by the laws of nature for us to be peaceful in life.

If you fail to make rules that will guide your child’s life simply because the child is an only child, then you’re already showing the way to crisis and chaos in the child’s life because there will be no orderliness in the child’s life.

These are the five sins of parenting an only child which you should avoid as a concerned parent.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Today l feel most honoured to present Dr. Naomi Aldort Ph.D,a speaker,writer and a parenting expert. She is the author of the book

“Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves”

Dr. Naomi,as l fondly call her, reponded to my questions in an interview,and this is her view on the above topic which was part of the numerous questions l asked her.

I hope you’ll find Dr.Naomi’s view as interesting,educative and thought-provoking as l did.

Kindly read further:

——————

If we want teenagers to authentically feel a sense of respect for others and for life, we must respect them from the day they are born. They learn respect by being respected.

If we control children, tell them what to do or say, interrupt their play, test them, patronize and shame or embarrass them, they will do the same as soon as they can, which is as teenagers. They are our mirrors. If they feel manipulated and controlled, they will  show us their despair in ways we call “disrespect.”

Instead of seeking respect, we must find out why a youth is so angry, bitter, or careless. Give a teenager space, yet stay caring, interested and connected.

However, even when we treat children with respect and care, as teenagers they sometimes become “allergic” to us. That’s as it should be and this
is not disrespect. We must not take ourselves so  seriously as to need their respect.

Instead, we must have a sense of humor and respect  for the confusing and difficult stage teenagers are going through. Much of what is called “disrespect” in teenagers, is not really disrespect.

If we listen we can address the issue, and if there is no real issue, we can lighten up and have a sense of humor about their age appropriate antics. It is
hormonal and transitional; it passes.

The expectation, “My teenager should respect me,” gets in the way of understanding the teenager’s valid reason to be the way he is. In addition,
the thought “My teen does not respect me,” is not even true.

If you respected his autonomy all along, he does respect you. Yet, this is not his time to show it to you on your terms and in your way. Expecting him
to behave on your terms is actually disrespectful.

Instead, read between the lines and realize that he can’t express it now and will come around if youtrust and respect his process.

He loves you and depends on your ability to flow with his temporary clumsy social skills with you.

A teenager is biologically set-up to be put off by his parents. It is a transition from being someone’s daughter or son, to being an adult member of society.

Teenagers must go through this phase, sometimes with more fanfare and sometimes more sweetly. If we show some understanding rather than judging, teenagers move on and turn back to us when they feel that we see them as equal.

When expecting a teen to be who he is not, we create anger and disconnection. Without such expectation, we can see what he is going through and I realize that it is up to us to respect him and to understand, support and connect with him where he is.

A teenager is much more likely to seek parental advice and listen, when the relationship is void of pressure and manipulation.

Kindness and understanding keep the teen close to you at heart, even when he doesn’t show it.

Instead of dictating your standards, listen to your teenager.

—————–

You can locate Dr Naomi Aldort at her sites for free newsletter, information on teleclasses, phone sessions and products.

Now go to:

www.NaomiAldort.com
www.AuthenticParent.com

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz

Let not your spirit be weary teaching your child the right values!

You’re tired of repeating yourself over and over again, aren’t you?

Sure! Every reasonable person will…

We get worked up when we’re made to sound like a crack disc; repeating the same instruction to our children every time.

It’s disheartening that children seem to be somewhat carefree in their attitude to parental instruction. But you need not let them wear you out.

Most times you will need to repeat yourself while telling your child the end for personal hygiene; as they don’t see any reason why they should keep their clothes clean and change them when they are soiled.

Bathing and brushing of teeth every morning and night, is probably not his concern except if you press hard to make it happen.

Have you, at anytime, sat down to find out the reason behind this behaviour?

Why is your child ‘hurting’ you so much and making you to get exasperated repeating the same instruction several times?

It could be either of these two reasons:
(a) Forgetfulness; and
(b) Deliberate attempt to disobey.

Because children’s minds are filled with so many ideas about leisure activities, they find it hard to remember our instructions on values. Those things are not programmed into their to-do memory.

You might have offended your child without knowing it; he feels the only way to get back at you will be to deliberately turn down your instruction and make you yell at him.

You yell…

Consequently, you hurt yourself in the process; and he feels delighted doing it.

There is a remedy!

1. See your child as an individual who has a mind of his own.

2. Don’t keep quiet; you don’t have to. But don’t yell at him. Keep talking.

3. Keep teaching him the value of integrity, hard work, fear of God, and respect for constituted authority.

4. You must open the communication line between you and your child. Until the message sinks in his mind, your job is not done yet.

5. Listen to what he has to say.You’re the parent, and so what?You’ve got to put an end to being dogmatic and don’t take every matter seriously.

6. Reach a compromise by sparing time to engage your child in useful no-hold-bared discussion. And listen carefully!

That is the trick…you’ve got to listen, if you want to have p-e-a-c-e !

Pay attention to your child and hear what he is saying as the world is changing.

Believe me, if you do all of the above, your child will always listen to your instructions and obey .He will turn out to be the best of friend you can ever have.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz

Anger is a natural display of emotion by human beings.
There are many ways by which every person tries to show
his anger physically.

Your child,like every normal human being,usually
get angry over some unpleasant experiences she or he
is going through.

But do you know when your child’s anger signals are
displayed?

Can you sense it when the physical display of anger is
being shown by your child?

Perhaps you’ve not made an effort to even study your
child’s emotion.

Perhaps you’re even less concerned about the child’s
anger as long as you’re not disturbed by whatever
emotion he or she is passing through.

Well, you should begin to observe your child’s
physical display of his or her anger because the
signals are so obvious for a descerning person to
see.

Here are three ways by which you can easily identify
your child’s anger physically:

* Clenching Fists: A child that is angry will normally
clench his or her fists because the muscles are all going
to tightened just to push away whatever is causing him or
her to get so angry.So you have to observe this physical
display just to be sure.

* Shortness of Breath: Anger can’t be hidden because it’s
always in display for whoever cares to see.You must try to
see if your child’s breath is normal or not.A shortness in
your child’s breath means that he or she is really angry.

* Sweating:From the face to the palms and the whole body,
your angry child will be covered by his or her own sweat
to show you that he or she is very angry with whatever
situation he or she is facing a that point in time. For
quick and easy identification of the child’s mood,take
a look at the child’s forehead and you will notice some
sweat coming out.

There you are, the three physical signals of anger in your
child are listed above for easy identification.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz