The Dr. Carl Pickhardt Interview

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You’re welcome to this interview with one of the world best psycologists who has agreed to give an interesting interview.

Dr.Pickhardt is a psychologist in private counseling and lecturing practice in Austin, Texas. He received his B.A. and M.Ed. from Harvard, and his Ph.D, from the University of Texas at Austin. He is a member of the American and Texas Psychological Associations.

He has written columns for the Austin American Statesman (“Parenting the Teenager”), for the Austin Business Journal, Single Parent Magzine, Marriage and Family Living Magazine, Austin 360.com, and for Only Child Magazine (for which he is a contributing Editor.)

He is a well published author of parenting books, books of illustrated psychology, adult and children’s fiction, as well as being a graphic artist.He has published 25 books to date.

In 1988 he did weekly TV interviews about family life for Channel 24 (ABC, Austin). He has also been a guest on a Phil Donahue Show, Parentz 101 (FOX), Family Digest (Cable), and has done interviews for radio including Parents Journal and the Armin Brott Show.
Carl Pickhardt is married with 4 children and 1 grandchild.You can visit his website at:www.carlpickhardt.com

Could you tell us your name, location and age?

My name is Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. I am an author of parenting books and a psychologist in private
counseling and lecturing practice in Austin, Texas, USA. I am 71 years old with 4 grown children
and a grandson who is a sophomore in high school.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about parenting; is it worth it?

Dr.Carl:On its most basic level, parenting is how we propagate and prepare the next generation of our kind. If no one had children, no one would be a parent, and human kind would become extinct. But parenting is a choice, and it is not for everyone.Those adults who become parents and then do not find parenting “worth it” are usually those who do not want to invest the free time, shoulder the burden of responsibility, and accept the necessity for self sacrifice, that parenting entails. Parenting creates a host of rewards that begin with bonding and building a loving relationship with children who bond and love their relationship with you.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about breastfeeding?

Dr.Carl:Children are born connected to their mother and disconnected with their father who does not bear, birth, or breastfeed the child as the mother does. It is only by tending, talking, and touching that fathers start building a connection after the infant is born.In addition to the nutritional benefits, breastfeeding is a powerful way for mother and infant to connect, an act of deep and abiding physical and emotional intimacy.

Sikaz:What are the challenges of working and breastfeeding your baby?

Dr.Carl:The challenge of working and breast – feeding is the degree to which the job interrupts this nutritional/ relational connection and hence diminishes the contribution to maternal attachment that breast- feeding can create.Being held by another caring adult, however, and nursing from a bottle still has nutritional and attachment value. Jobs vary in the amount of flexibility they allow for mothers to breastfeed their child.

Sikaz:What are the things one should look out for while choosing a nanny?

Dr.Carl:A nanny is a surrogate parent for many young children, someone to whom the child socially and emotionally attaches. So parents need to be ready to accept the additional attachment they have created. It needs to be complimentary, not competitive, or parental jealousy can be aroused. Because all family systems are value systems, best to . pick a nanny whose approach to care taking and discipline are consistent with parental values.

Sikaz:Would you describe your older child’s experience when the younger child was born?

Dr.Carl:Oldest child is only child for a while, used to receiving all the love, attention, and resources parents have to give. A second child means the first child becomes dethroned by this new siblingcompetition.Now parents can feel regretful that they can never again give child number one the total attention they once did, and they can never give child number two the preoccupation they lavished on child number one.The challenge is for parents to help child number one (and themselves) understand that divided parental attention does not mean diminished love, and that there is still enough love to go around for everyone.

Sikaz:How would you describe your typical day as a parent?

Dr.Carl:The typical parental day is a divided one — focusing on one’s own personal and worldly demands, and maintaining sufficient focus on the welfare of one’s children. When you are single life is simple: you think about yourself. When you marry, life gets more complex: now you also think about your partner and your relationship. When you have children, life gets still more complex: you have to manage self as person, self as partner, and now self as parent, and the social unit that is a family. With this complexity, pressure of responsibility and care taking is drastically increased.

Sikaz:What is your personal opinion about teenage parenting?

Dr.Carl:To become a teenage parent creates a role change, from child to parent of a child, that alters one’s life in an older direction at an early age. This change matures a young person compared to peers who continue to enjoy social freedoms that teen parenthood to some degree now limits or denies. To become a teenage parent grows you up with maturity and weighs you down with responsibility.

Sikaz:What do you think could be done to stop teenagers’ involvements in violence and hard drugs?

Dr.Carl:Drug use and violence can provide adolescents with an outlet for illicit freedom at a rebellious age when independence from traditional childhood restraints has become all important. Under the influence of substances or intense emotional arousal (or peer influence), the young person feels free to do the forbidden.The antidote to rebellion is challenge. Young people who have healthy interests and opportunities through which they can challenge themselves to grow stronger and more responsible in self-affirming ways are less susceptible to the temptations of drug use and group violence.

Sikaz:What are the causes of teenage disrespect and how could it be stopped?

Dr.Carl:Parents who are willing to take clear, calm, and committed stands for their teenager’s best interests, and are willing to talk about those stands, listen to the young person’s opinions, and credit his or her self-interest, are most likely to be respected by their adolescent. Coercive parents who shut all communication down for the sake of control, may gain compliance, but not respect because respect cannot be commanded. It must be earned by treating the adolescent with respect.

Sikaz:What is your advice for those who are planning to be parents one day?

Dr.Carl:If you are planning to be a parent, make sure you want the responsibility and are ready for the self-sacrifice. And if you have a spouse, be prepared for more pressure on the marriage. Finally, understand that parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding life experiences there is.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about books, seminar and workshop on parenting?

Dr.Carl:Informed, thoughtful parenting beats ignorant, impulsive parenting. The more understanding parents have of themselves, of parenting, of child development (particularly during the adolescent years) the more adequate their decisions are likely to be.We live in an age of self-help books, seminars, groups, and workshops all of which can be both informative and supportive. Use them. Don’t go it alone.

Sikaz:Are parenting coaches relevant and helpful to parents?

Dr.Carl:Coaching is supportive, motivational, and strategic. In addition, parenting coaches need to know about the psychology of parenting, of child development, and particularly about the hard half of parenting, adolescence, that begins between ages 9 – 13, and doesn’t wind down until the early to mid twenties. Good parent coaches also need to be psychologically knowledgeable. When they are, they can be of significant help.

Sikaz:Some parents seem to be neglecting their parenting activities for their career, what is your opinion on this and its effects on the society at large?

Dr.Carl:As I describe in my book about adolescence, “The Connected Father,” it is particularly easy for fathers to ambitiously pursue career advancement at the expense of parenting involvement in the family, particularly during the more abrasive adolescent years. This can be a sad loss for everyone at home.However, times are changing. More fathers now want to be more involved in child raising and are investing more time and energy in family.For mothers, the career/at home conflict can be be painful because they still tend to be the more connected and committed parent.

Sikaz:Thank you doc,it’s been interesting interviewing you.

You can visit Dr.Carl Pickhardt at www.carlpickhardt.com

This entry was posted on July 2, 2010 at July 2, 2010 and is filed under General, Parenting Interviews, Parenting Teens. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.