Causes of Teenage Disrespect and How It Could Be Stopped

Today l feel most honoured to present Dr. Naomi Aldort Ph.D,a speaker,writer and a parenting expert. She is the author of the book

“Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves”

Dr. Naomi,as l fondly call her, reponded to my questions in an interview,and this is her view on the above topic which was part of the numerous questions l asked her.

I hope you’ll find Dr.Naomi’s view as interesting,educative and thought-provoking as l did.

Kindly read further:

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If we want teenagers to authentically feel a sense of respect for others and for life, we must respect them from the day they are born. They learn respect by being respected.

If we control children, tell them what to do or say, interrupt their play, test them, patronize and shame or embarrass them, they will do the same as soon as they can, which is as teenagers. They are our mirrors. If they feel manipulated and controlled, they will  show us their despair in ways we call “disrespect.”

Instead of seeking respect, we must find out why a youth is so angry, bitter, or careless. Give a teenager space, yet stay caring, interested and connected.

However, even when we treat children with respect and care, as teenagers they sometimes become “allergic” to us. That’s as it should be and this
is not disrespect. We must not take ourselves so  seriously as to need their respect.

Instead, we must have a sense of humor and respect  for the confusing and difficult stage teenagers are going through. Much of what is called “disrespect” in teenagers, is not really disrespect.

If we listen we can address the issue, and if there is no real issue, we can lighten up and have a sense of humor about their age appropriate antics. It is
hormonal and transitional; it passes.

The expectation, “My teenager should respect me,” gets in the way of understanding the teenager’s valid reason to be the way he is. In addition,
the thought “My teen does not respect me,” is not even true.

If you respected his autonomy all along, he does respect you. Yet, this is not his time to show it to you on your terms and in your way. Expecting him
to behave on your terms is actually disrespectful.

Instead, read between the lines and realize that he can’t express it now and will come around if youtrust and respect his process.

He loves you and depends on your ability to flow with his temporary clumsy social skills with you.

A teenager is biologically set-up to be put off by his parents. It is a transition from being someone’s daughter or son, to being an adult member of society.

Teenagers must go through this phase, sometimes with more fanfare and sometimes more sweetly. If we show some understanding rather than judging, teenagers move on and turn back to us when they feel that we see them as equal.

When expecting a teen to be who he is not, we create anger and disconnection. Without such expectation, we can see what he is going through and I realize that it is up to us to respect him and to understand, support and connect with him where he is.

A teenager is much more likely to seek parental advice and listen, when the relationship is void of pressure and manipulation.

Kindness and understanding keep the teen close to you at heart, even when he doesn’t show it.

Instead of dictating your standards, listen to your teenager.

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You can locate Dr Naomi Aldort at her sites for free newsletter, information on teleclasses, phone sessions and products.

Now go to:

www.NaomiAldort.com
www.AuthenticParent.com

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz

This entry was posted on September 24, 2009 at September 24, 2009 and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.