Dr.Gayle: It’s my pleasure.It’s been wonderful.Thanks so much, you’re always welcome!

Dr.Pickhardt is a psychologist in private counseling and lecturing practice in Austin, Texas. He received his B.A. and M.Ed. from Harvard, and his Ph.D, from the University of Texas at Austin. He is a member of the American and Texas Psychological Associations.

He has written columns for the Austin American Statesman (“Parenting the Teenager”), for the Austin Business Journal, Single Parent Magzine, Marriage and Family Living Magazine, Austin 360.com, and for Only Child Magazine (for which he is a contributing Editor.)

He is a well published author of parenting books, books of illustrated psychology, adult and children’s fiction, as well as being a graphic artist.He has published 25 books to date.

In 1988 he did weekly TV interviews about family life for Channel 24 (ABC, Austin). He has also been a guest on a Phil Donahue Show, Parentz 101 (FOX), Family Digest (Cable), and has done interviews for radio including Parents Journal and the Armin Brott Show.
Carl Pickhardt is married with 4 children and 1 grandchild.You can visit his website at:www.carlpickhardt.com

Could you tell us your name, location and age?

My name is Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. I am an author of parenting books and a psychologist in private
counseling and lecturing practice in Austin, Texas, USA. I am 71 years old with 4 grown children
and a grandson who is a sophomore in high school.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about parenting; is it worth it?

Dr.Carl:On its most basic level, parenting is how we propagate and prepare the next generation of our kind. If no one had children, no one would be a parent, and human kind would become extinct. But parenting is a choice, and it is not for everyone.Those adults who become parents and then do not find parenting “worth it” are usually those who do not want to invest the free time, shoulder the burden of responsibility, and accept the necessity for self sacrifice, that parenting entails. Parenting creates a host of rewards that begin with bonding and building a loving relationship with children who bond and love their relationship with you.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about breastfeeding?

Dr.Carl:Children are born connected to their mother and disconnected with their father who does not bear, birth, or breastfeed the child as the mother does. It is only by tending, talking, and touching that fathers start building a connection after the infant is born.In addition to the nutritional benefits, breastfeeding is a powerful way for mother and infant to connect, an act of deep and abiding physical and emotional intimacy.

Sikaz:What are the challenges of working and breastfeeding your baby?

Dr.Carl:The challenge of working and breast – feeding is the degree to which the job interrupts this nutritional/ relational connection and hence diminishes the contribution to maternal attachment that breast- feeding can create.Being held by another caring adult, however, and nursing from a bottle still has nutritional and attachment value. Jobs vary in the amount of flexibility they allow for mothers to breastfeed their child.

Sikaz:What are the things one should look out for while choosing a nanny?

Dr.Carl:A nanny is a surrogate parent for many young children, someone to whom the child socially and emotionally attaches. So parents need to be ready to accept the additional attachment they have created. It needs to be complimentary, not competitive, or parental jealousy can be aroused. Because all family systems are value systems, best to . pick a nanny whose approach to care taking and discipline are consistent with parental values.

Sikaz:Would you describe your older child’s experience when the younger child was born?

Dr.Carl:Oldest child is only child for a while, used to receiving all the love, attention, and resources parents have to give. A second child means the first child becomes dethroned by this new siblingcompetition.Now parents can feel regretful that they can never again give child number one the total attention they once did, and they can never give child number two the preoccupation they lavished on child number one.The challenge is for parents to help child number one (and themselves) understand that divided parental attention does not mean diminished love, and that there is still enough love to go around for everyone.

Sikaz:How would you describe your typical day as a parent?

Dr.Carl:The typical parental day is a divided one — focusing on one’s own personal and worldly demands, and maintaining sufficient focus on the welfare of one’s children. When you are single life is simple: you think about yourself. When you marry, life gets more complex: now you also think about your partner and your relationship. When you have children, life gets still more complex: you have to manage self as person, self as partner, and now self as parent, and the social unit that is a family. With this complexity, pressure of responsibility and care taking is drastically increased.

Sikaz:What is your personal opinion about teenage parenting?

Dr.Carl:To become a teenage parent creates a role change, from child to parent of a child, that alters one’s life in an older direction at an early age. This change matures a young person compared to peers who continue to enjoy social freedoms that teen parenthood to some degree now limits or denies. To become a teenage parent grows you up with maturity and weighs you down with responsibility.

Sikaz:What do you think could be done to stop teenagers’ involvements in violence and hard drugs?

Dr.Carl:Drug use and violence can provide adolescents with an outlet for illicit freedom at a rebellious age when independence from traditional childhood restraints has become all important. Under the influence of substances or intense emotional arousal (or peer influence), the young person feels free to do the forbidden.The antidote to rebellion is challenge. Young people who have healthy interests and opportunities through which they can challenge themselves to grow stronger and more responsible in self-affirming ways are less susceptible to the temptations of drug use and group violence.

Sikaz:What are the causes of teenage disrespect and how could it be stopped?

Dr.Carl:Parents who are willing to take clear, calm, and committed stands for their teenager’s best interests, and are willing to talk about those stands, listen to the young person’s opinions, and credit his or her self-interest, are most likely to be respected by their adolescent. Coercive parents who shut all communication down for the sake of control, may gain compliance, but not respect because respect cannot be commanded. It must be earned by treating the adolescent with respect.

Sikaz:What is your advice for those who are planning to be parents one day?

Dr.Carl:If you are planning to be a parent, make sure you want the responsibility and are ready for the self-sacrifice. And if you have a spouse, be prepared for more pressure on the marriage. Finally, understand that parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding life experiences there is.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about books, seminar and workshop on parenting?

Dr.Carl:Informed, thoughtful parenting beats ignorant, impulsive parenting. The more understanding parents have of themselves, of parenting, of child development (particularly during the adolescent years) the more adequate their decisions are likely to be.We live in an age of self-help books, seminars, groups, and workshops all of which can be both informative and supportive. Use them. Don’t go it alone.

Sikaz:Are parenting coaches relevant and helpful to parents?

Dr.Carl:Coaching is supportive, motivational, and strategic. In addition, parenting coaches need to know about the psychology of parenting, of child development, and particularly about the hard half of parenting, adolescence, that begins between ages 9 – 13, and doesn’t wind down until the early to mid twenties. Good parent coaches also need to be psychologically knowledgeable. When they are, they can be of significant help.

Sikaz:Some parents seem to be neglecting their parenting activities for their career, what is your opinion on this and its effects on the society at large?

Dr.Carl:As I describe in my book about adolescence, “The Connected Father,” it is particularly easy for fathers to ambitiously pursue career advancement at the expense of parenting involvement in the family, particularly during the more abrasive adolescent years. This can be a sad loss for everyone at home.However, times are changing. More fathers now want to be more involved in child raising and are investing more time and energy in family.For mothers, the career/at home conflict can be be painful because they still tend to be the more connected and committed parent.

Sikaz:Thank you doc,it’s been interesting interviewing you.

You can visit Dr.Carl Pickhardt at www.carlpickhardt.com

Do you wonder why this should be so?

Well, being a parent entails a lot most especially
being in charge of another human being makes you feel
a sense of responsibility indeed.

You will always have the indescribable feeling that
those who are not parent can never feel. You are
attached to that baby all of the time even when you
think you are right there at your work place.

Everything abut your life revolve round the children,
if you are the type that is really interested in
what your children grow up to be in life, you can never
have enough time for yourself or the children.

So, how do you cope with being a parent then?

The following are ways to cope as a new parent who is
truly interested in making a success of being a parent
at the end of the day:

1. Read Books on Parenting: This is a fact that most
parents have neglected because they don’t seem to realize
the need for them. What l want you to know here is that
most of the books on parenting are well-researched and
are probably written by parenting coaches, parenting
experts, parents who have had practical parenting
experiences for many years.You’ll be tapping into the
results of many years of experiences as researchers or
as real parents who had passed through the process you
are about to go through as a new parent.

2. Seek Help from Experienced Parents: If you want to
succeed in parenting will urge you to seek the help of
experienced parents who could be your neighbours, work-
mates, friends church members, or relations. The people
have garnered a lot of practical experiences that you
can just get for free without feeling bad consulting them.

3. Be Ready To Spend Money: Being a parent would require
that you will be spending a lot of money taking charge
of the growth and well-being of your baby right from the
very day of conception in pregnancy. You should be ready
to go through that without hesitation because it isyour
responsibility which can’t be passed to another person.

4. Establish a Close Relationship with Your Partner: You
may not have thought about this as something you should be
worrying yourself with. However, it is an important aspect
of parenting you must think about.Your relationship with
the mother or father of your baby is very important in the
development of the child and its well-being. It’s been
proved that a home where the two parents are at peace with
each other will guarantee a balanced growth for the baby.

5. Get Additional Source of Revenue: You need to get some
other sources of revenue to be able to successfully cope
with being a parent in today’s world because there so many
things you need to spend your money on to get your child
where you desire that they should be.

Basically, these are five of the ways by which you can cope
with being a parent. You can see that they are practicable
and easy to do for those who truly desire to get their
parenting on the way to success.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Have you taken your time to study the situation around you
in recent time?

Is your husband satisfied with you even as you don’t seem
to be having enough time for him unlike you were doing before
the arrival of the kids?

Check your marital life occasionally to seem that nothing you are
doing to the kids is affecting your relationship with your husband.

I have experienced a situation that a father began to be jealous of
his own kids simply because their mother concentrated more of her
time to the nursing of the kids than the time she had for him.

I must warn you that you need to balance your time between the your
husband and your kids. If you can’t do this simple time management
then you better prepare yourself for the inevitable consequences at
the end of the day.

Your marriage should not suffer because your time is devoted much
more to your kid.

You must remember that your man was always there with you before
the coming of your kids and he would always be there with you when
the kids have grown and are ready to leave home to establish their
own families elsewhere.

Your future with your husband is only guaranteed now if you maintain
a loving relationship with him as you do with your kids.

The truth is that you can maintain that balance, if you really want to.
But not everybody can do so.

Give this a deep thought and see if you could work it out pretty good.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz.

Sikaz: Could you tell us your name, location and age?

Naomi: Naomi Aldort is the author of the highly acclaimed book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. advice by phone, in person Parents from around the globe seek Aldort’s and by listening to her CDs and attending her workshops. Her advice columns appear in progressive parenting worldwide and translated to German, French, Hebrew, Dutch, Japanese, Chinese,
Indonesian, Spanish, Japanese and more.

Naomi Aldort is married and a mother of three. Her youngest son is sixteen-year-old cellist Oliver Aldort www.OliverAldort.com Her middle son is nineteen year old composer and self made pianist Lennon Aldort www.LennonAldort.com and the oldest, Jonathan Aldort, is a fourth year student and a writer.

For free newsletter, information on teleclasses, phone sessions and
products: www.NaomiAldort.com or, www.AuthenticParent.com

Sikaz: What is your opinion about parenting; is it worth it?

Naomi: Every experience in life is a worthy one for the person who is passionate about it and chooses it freely. Parenting is a very deeply engaging path and possibly the most satisfying. It helps us mature by moving us from the go-getter to the go-giver. If one were not ready to let go and discover the joy of giving and of surrender, it would be too difficult. The joy of caring for the life of another is the greatest fulfillment.

Sikaz: What is your opinion about breastfeeding?

Naomi: Breastfeeding needs no opinion. It is nature’s design for optimal growth, emotional wellbeing and intelligence. Every baby deserves to be breastfed on cue around the clock for as long as she wants, which is usually a few years. It boosts immunity, intelligence and optimal growth and development as well as secures emotional connection. For the mother is ensures that she bonds and stays physically close at all times.

Sikaz: What are the challenges of working and breastfeeding your baby?

Naomi: I do not recommend working and mothering unless the baby can be
with mother at all times and she is free to connect, care, relate and breastfeed. Babies need constant body contact with mother. Working mothers call me often for advice because their toddler or young child is being difficult. As soon as they stop working the difficulties vanish. The child
does not need money or things money can buy. The child simply needs her mother. I would live in a tent and sell my clothes to be with my child. Create a community, share housing, resources, and activities, and you won’t need to work away from your baby or young child.

Sikaz: What are the things one should look out for while choosing a nanny?

Naomi: Look for a loving person who is willing to learn and follow the mother and father’s ideas of parenting. Her own ideas might clash with what parents prefer for the child. She should read the same parenting books the parents choose.

Many of my clients give my book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, and some of  my CDs, to a new nanny and even bring her to their phone advice with me.A nanny should be with a child while the mother is close by, accomplishing something, but available if needed. Nanny should help the mother and, most of the time, not replace her.

Sikaz: Would you describe your older child’s experience when the younger child was born?

Naomi: My oldest son was present at his brothers’ births. He was very excited and loving when our middle child was born. Then, at the birth of our third child (also at home) my second child declared at the moment of birth: “The baby came out!” He was three and spent the birthing time jumping up and down near me, very happy and caring. My oldest, then seven, was the one who cut the umbilical chord. He was very involved and helpful. Both boys were enchanted by the baby. Now, as young adults and one teenager, they are best of friends.

Sikaz: How would you describe your typical day as a parent?

Naomi: In parenting that honors the children’s inner guide, there is no “typical.” Each day is different. Many hours of breastfeeding, feeding, caring, hugging and snuggling; taking walks to the playground and watching the children play or listening to them and drying their tears. The children led the way by their interests, passions, joys and struggles. I followed by leading the way to where they chose to go, play or study. Often they played all day, needing me for food, breastfeeding and physical care only. Other days I was engaged all day with reading, hiking, singing, solving disputes, dancing or watching their “shows.”

My book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, has many examples of the lives of parents and children, demonstrating how to bring peace, joy and contentment to every challenge: http://naomialdort.com/book.html. In addition, many of my personal parenting stories and those of parents participating in my workshops and phone sessions are available to listen to on CDs, which you can purchase here: http://naomialdort.com/audio-video.html

Sikaz: What is your personal opinion about teenage parenting?

Naomi: By the time the child is a teenager, it is time to let go and trust. It
is crucial to respect teens, allow them space to find who they are and to connect with society, while keeping close bond of care, interest and support. They become best of friends and seek our guidance, if we stay open, honest and respectful. A couple of the stories in the book are about teenagers and answer this question fully. http://naomialdort.com/book.html

Sikaz: What do you think could be done to stop teenagers’ involvements in violence and hard drugs?

Naomi: When children are cared for the way they need through their early years, they are content as teenagers and are busy making friends and becoming adults. Such happy teenagers do not engage in violence or drugs. Violence and drugs are the result of dissatisfaction and emotional pain. Therefore the answer is to heal their pain with love, understanding and meeting their true needs to belong, to connect and to feel valued and unconditionally loved.

The best is to prevent the teenagers from having so much anger and pain so they don’t need to express themselves through violence or to escape the pain through drugs. By studying my book, listening to my many CDs, attending my teleclasses, reading my advice columns and free newsletter, or taking private sessions, parents can learn to raise children who have nothing to rebel against and no anger or anguish to express in destructive ways. When children and teens feel content and connected, they behave well and flourish.

Sikaz: What are the causes of teenage disrespect and how could it be stopped?

Naomi: If we want teenagers to authentically feel a sense of respect for others and for life, we must respect them from the day they are born. They learn respect by being respected. If we control children, tell them what to do or say, interrupt their play, test them, patronize and shame or embarrass them, they will do the same as soon as they can, which is as teenagers. They are our mirrors. If they feel manipulated and controlled, they will show us their despair in ways we call “disrespect.” Instead of seeking respect, we must find out why a youth is so angry, bitter, or careless. Give a teenager space, yet stay caring, interested and connected.

However, even when we treat children with respect and care, as teenagers they sometimes become “allergic” to us. That’s as it should be and this is not
disrespect. We must not take ourselves so seriously as to need their respect.
Instead, we must have a sense of humor and respect for the confusing and difficult stage teenagers are going through. Much of what is called “disrespect” in teenagers, is not really disrespect. If we listen we can address the issue, and if there is no real issue, we can lighten up and have a sense of humor about their age appropriate antics. It is hormonal and transitional; it passes.

The expectation, “My teenager should respect me,” gets in the way of understanding the teenager’s valid reason to be the way he is. In addition, the thought “My teen does not respect me,” is not even true. If you respected his autonomy all along, he does respect you. Yet, this is not his time to show it to you on your terms and in your way. Expecting him to behave on your terms is actually disrespectful. Instead, read between the lines and realize that he can’t express it now and will come around if you trust and respect his process. He loves you and depends on your ability to
flow with his temporary clumsy social skills with you.

A teenager is biologically set-up to be put off by his parents. It is a transition
from being someone’s daughter or son, to being an adult member of society. Teenagers must go through this phase, sometimes with more fanfare and sometimes more sweetly. If we show some understanding rather than judging, teenagers move on and turn back to us when they feel that we see them as equal.

When expecting a teen to be who he is not, we create anger and disconnection. Without such expectation, we can see what he is going through and I realize that it is up to us to respect him and to understand, support and connect with him where he is. A teenager is much more likely to seek parental advice and listen, when the relationshipis void of pressure and manipulation. Kindness and understanding keep the teen close to you at heart, even when he doesn’t show it. Instead of dictating your standards, listen to your teenager.

Sikaz: What is your advice for those who are planning to be parents one day?

Naomi: To have a good time so they don’t feel as though they miss something when the children come along and they can’t do much with themselves. There is not much that they can learn in advance. Having children is always a surprise experience no matter how well you are prepared. But, if they want to learn in advance, reading my book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves can be a great preparation,
http://authenticparent.com/ Before they have children, they will grasp the book from the point of the view of the child, remembering how it was for them as children and understanding what nurtured them and what was painful. This will make the path of parenting much clearer.

Sikaz: What is your opinion about books, seminars and workshops on parenting?

Naomi: As an author of a parenting book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, http://authenticparent.com/ I have seen the amazing impact it has on parent-child relationships and on bringing peace and joy to family life. In addition I have seen the impact of counseling http://naomialdort.com/guidance.html and workshop and have  hundreds of testimonials to support the value of reading, listening and attending
my workshops http://naomialdort.com/interviews.html and family intensive retreats, http://naomialdort.com/family-retreat.html

The truth is, no one knows how to be a parent. People learn all other vocations but somehow it is expected that this most difficult of all challenges would just come to us naturally. Parents are shocked to discover that it is not so. They need to understand psychology, the human spirit, trust, child development and mostly, how to let their sown ego get out of the way.

Before you have a child, bring yourself to a point where you are not interested to shape a child into someone YOU want her to be. Be ready to marvel the child for who she is becoming of her own. Therefore choose books and workshops that do not teach old ideas of control (even praise is control and manipulation,) and conditional love. Find those, like my own book and seminars that teach the peaceful way of loving children unconditionally so they can be the best of themselves, not out of fear or a need to get your love, but because they want to, of their own free will.

Sikaz: Are parenting coaches relevant and helpful to parents?

Naomi: If they are supportive of respect, trust and growth, they are enormously valuable!! The difference it makes in the lives of parents and children is substantial. I offer parents coaching by phone internationally
http://naomialdort.com/guidance.html. I offer advice and also deep self-realization work through parenting (when they want to.) You can find the information for these phone sessions on my site.

The cultural idea the parents shouldn’t seek guidance prevents many parents from getting the coaching they need, or from wanting to invest in their own education in parenting. Young parents are likely to spend easily on toys, pizza or other outings, yet they often see themselves as unable to afford a workshop.

Interestingly, it is the more competent parents who often ask for coaching. Realizing that they don’t know is what propels these wise parents to seek guidance. We must start with basic humility: We don’t know the mystery of the unfolding human being. We must learn on the job and coaching can make a world of difference. It takes maturity and wisdom to realize that we don’t know, and it takes courage and humility to seek guidance.

Parents who call me for advice or counseling, either want answers to specific issues, or they want to self-realize and grow through parenting. I provide whatever they seek and their lives and their children’s lives are transformed. They bring peace, joy, and freedom to everyday interaction with their children and loved ones.

Some people say that parenting advice should come from elders in the family. It used to be this way, when society was cyclical and traditions were kept unchanged. Today most parents depart from the old ways. If they assume they know, or if they are swept in mainstream trends, they will eventually find themselves helplessly confused and puzzled by the difficulties that parenting presents. Seeking guidance is a wise choice and the greatest gift to both parent and child.

Sikaz: Some parents seem to be neglecting their parenting activities for their career, what is your opinion on this and its effects on the society at large?

Naomi: All parents love their children. If you ask them, even if they work a lot, they don’t see themselves as “neglecting” their children. Yet, there is nothing children need more than their parents presence and involvement. Money cannot buy time with mom and dad. A child needs her parents; not a substitute. In the early years she needs uninterrupted contact with her mother. No matter how wonderful the nanny or the daycare, it is a part time “orphanage.” It is not what the child needs. No one loves the child like his own parents. Nature made no mistake providing parents to every child. Society at large is greatly impacted by the trend of substitute care
for children.

When children are raised by anyone other than their parents, their need for a one-on-one intimate, deep, loving and physical connection is missing. The incredible amount of violence, addictions, depression and other emotional dysfunctions are a direct result of growing up with the unexplainable sense of lack that comes from growing up short on intimate connection with one’s parents.

One way to grasp the meaning of this distortion of nature is to recall the impact of premature birth. For nine month the baby MUST be inside the mother’s uterus. Shortening this time even a little has serious consequences for the child’s wellbeing.Like the womb for the first nine-month, the mother child connection is the next natural phase.

When a mother gives birth naturally and without separating from the newborn; when she breastfeeds on cue and holds her baby in arms at all times, including co-sleeping; she will not be able to leave her baby with another. Breastfeeding on cue (can be every fifteen minutes) and uninterrupted physical closeness is nature’s way to create a bond that is not breakable. It is the way nature insures that the baby and young child will have his primal needs for uninterrupted connection with his mother, fully met.

We can easily be fooled to believe that little toddlers and children in substitute care are thriving. This is because they learn to give up what they truly need (they have no choice) and live up to our expectations. But something is missing. Many childhood difficult behaviors are a direct result of the missing uninterrupted connection with parents.

As they grow older, they might seek that missing bond in food, drugs, shopping, co-dependent relationships, compulsive sex, and other “substitutes,” without knowing what drives these behaviors. In the process, a very competitive society is created; one of seeking the illusive missing link and competing for getting it and for selling all these substitutes. This leads to trends of domination, greed and disconnection.

Societies, whose children’s primal needs are fully met, grow up into peaceful and happy people who have no need to compete, dominate or control but rather enjoy cooperation and peaceful connections.

Lorraine Esposito is the author of a fast selling parenting book:
“The Morning Peacemaker,How to Get Your Kids Out the
Door on Time without Saying (nagging) A Word”.The book is the result of 10 years research and hands-on experience and has received endorsements and praise from the medical community.

Lorraine was raised in the rural mid-west of the U.S.A. Her belief in unlimited possibilities transformed poverty and obesity into wealth in all areas of her life.

Lorraine is open and genuine with an intuitive ability to see the solutions to problems. Her energy and wit are magnetic making her a dynamic and captivating speaker.

Happy reading…

Sikaz: What are the causes of teenage disrespect and how could it be stopped?

Lorraine: Disrespectfulness does not suddenly appear when a child hits the teenage years; it just seems that way. If you think about a disrespectful comment from a teen, for example telling you that he or she thinks your limits regarding the Internet are stupid,  it only seems like a big disrespect because the issues and language around this topic are serious and mature.

A whole lot of trouble awaits an unsuspecting teen on the Internet and so the issue is serious. Your teen’s courage to stand up to your authority, set boundaries of her own, and demand to have a voice in her freedom are signs of budding maturity. However, if you think back to an earlier time, you’ll find the same “disrespect” but back then the issues weren’t serious and your child had less maturity.

For example, remember a time when your child was, say five years old, I’m sure there were times you set limits on activities that weren’t always agreeable to her. When she was five years old her response might have been to cry, whine, or to even throw a temper-tantrum. We don’t see those expressions as so much disrespect, but rather tend to chock them off to bratty behavior. I believe the two instances are really the same but only packaged differently.

When I coach parents regarding disrespectful/bratty behavior at any age, I make sure they understand what they are truly looking at first, and then help them plan a course of action.

Conflicts are inevitable for two big reasons:

A child is a unique individual with emotions, beliefs, desires, frustrations, and thoughts of his own. Contrary to popular belief, children are not just little clones of their parents and therefore will naturally have a different spin on everything. The foundational beliefs may be similar (or not) but the details and “feel” of everything will be unique to him.

For example, the belief that the family’s needs come before others may be a foundational belief shared by both parent and child but the child may define word family differently than his parents. A child, especially a teen, may define family as any person with whom he feels a very close bond. A parent may adhere strictly to blood relationships when defining family. When a child’s friend/familis in need, he might prioritize differently than a parent expects which can create conflict.

The other big reason for conflicts is the need for a child to separate from her parents. Through conflicts/debates people often discover their individuality.A teen, though maturing, often does not have the skill to keep a debate out of the emotional realm.

Teens often lack the language skills and objectivity and feel frustrated and out maneuvered. I think that’s why teens resort to shocking and hurtful language. They are just big five year olds stomping their feet and calling you a “meanie.” For a teenager, it feels unfair to be over ridden in decisions of importance and he or she will feel the need to demand to be heard.

I believe it is impossible to stop conflicts and, to some degree, disrespectful behavior. A parent can be less affected by conflict and disrespect by reminding herself why it is happening and trying to see the situation as a sign of budding independence rather than willful contempt.

By allowing for this bigger view, the parent can defuse the emotions and allow room for the teen’s need to establish individuality. If a parent understands the differences between her and her child and respects her child’s need to be unique, there is a beginning to compromise and resolution. Kids are very intuitive and know when they are being understood even when disagreed with. Your child will see you as a comrade not an enemy so that when arguments happen they won’t be horrible; you will always treat your comrades with more respect than you would your enemies.

Sikaz: What is your advice for those who are planning to be parents one day?

Lorraine: The best advice I can give to future parents is to have no expectations of temperament or personality for their child. The biggest set back for parents and the root of many teenage battles are in the tightly held expectations a parent has for their child’s likes, dislikes, skills, and personality.

When a child presents a desire for something that is unexpected by the parent, a parent will attempt to steer the child toward something more expected. That creates an internal conflict within the child that might not be seen for years. The small child will believe the parent’s ideas of properness or acceptable desires are more valid than their own for a long while.

The child will suppress their own calling until one day it cannot be suppressed and explodes out in all directions. My advice is to approach this new little person with curiosity and wonder so that you are open and amazed at the unique character that is
presented to you.

Sikaz: What is your opinion about books, seminar and workshops on parenting?

Lorraine: I think books, seminars, and workshops on parenting are terrific if they are specific and provide real solutions to problems. I found all too often that the books and professionals I turned to for help only gave me good advice but failed to give me the tools to implement the advice.

I knew a lot about the concepts of parenting and the workings of a kid’s mind but I had no idea how to pull that knowledge into reality and make it mean something. I wasted so much time trying to make changes in my family relationships using the wrong tools. It’s like putting old wine in a new bottle.
That’s one big reason I wrote The Morning Peacemaker, because I found a way that works and I’ve shared the whole process, from beginning to end. I know that my method will not be the perfect fit for all families but it is a very comprehensive start. Think of it like a recipe for chocolate cake.

The other “good advice” books and professionals tell you to make a chocolate cake but giving you a list of ingredients and showing you a picture of the delicious cake. These professionals think they told you enough so that you could go out and make that cake on your own. WRONG! The recipe they gave doesn’t have the measurements of the ingredients or the steps for combining the ingredients.

The recipe doesn’t have the oven temperature or baking time either. Maybe you could make the cake from a list of ingredients and a picture, but it would take a whole lot of trial and error before you got it right.

With The Morning Peacemaker, the chocolate cake recipe is complete and any parent wishing for the result can stir together all the ingredients as directed to create the cake. After understanding the method/recipe, a parent is then free to add more chocolate or less sugar if she likes to make the cake just perfect for her family. So, I only recommend books, seminars, and workshops when the professional is willing to give the full recipe for the cake he or she is teaching us to make.

Sikaz: Are parenting coaches relevant and helpful to parents?

Lorraine: Parenting coaches are more than relevant; they are the way to go for most families.A coach, by definition, helps people do things better. A coach is action oriented and since change only happens when ideas are put into play, a coach is often the best resource for a family wanting to make changes.

I’m no different than any other type of coach you might have experience with, such as a basketball or golf coach. Just like those coaches, I find out what you want to make better and we practice the skills that will actually make it better. It is my experience that most counselors and psychologists are interested in talking, talking, talking but leave you with nothing to actually do at the end of your 45-minute session.

The next week you return to talk and talk and talk some more. I wasted years doing this. A great coach pulls the ideas into reality and gets you moving. For some families, the need for medical professionals is very real. If you’re dealing with mental illness or other clinical issues, parents are wise to seek the care of a trained physician but I still encourage parents to have a great coach too. One does not exclude the other but can often speed results.

Sikaz: Some parents seem to be neglecting their parenting activities for their career, what is your opinion on this and its effects on the society at large?

Lorraine: I believe that people always do the very best they can, even when they clearly are not. Sometimes people just lack knowledge or skill or even have an internal conflict that is causing chaos within them. The actions taken may not look like the best from an outsiders view but for that person, considering all she deals with, I believe her actions are the very best possible.

So, the key to balancing career and family to ensure that nothing and no one, including the parent herself, are short changed is to understand the real issues behind her actions. A parent that pours all her energy into career may simply be avoiding situations at home that she doesn’t understand or is afraid to tackle.

Knowledge and skills make choosing to be with family easier. Other families have little choice in the hours dedicated to earning money away from home. Single parents, too, have many burdens that pull and push. Being organized so that the time a parent has with her children is very productive will be enough to ensure her children are prepared to one day be productive members of society. Teaching and nurturing are about quality not necessarily quantity. It’s all about the skills and knowledge a parent has that enables her to be effective and happy with herself and her children.

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Dear reader,that’s about all in this interview.I hope you’ve enjoyed it just as l have.

You can visit Lorraine’s website at www.morningpeacemaker.com

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

As a parent you should try to understand the underlining factors that your kid  reject fruits which are certain to give the kid more nutritional value than the biscuits or sweets they prefer to eat instead.

Kids that eat sweets and biscuits are already hooked on the sweetness of the products and care less about  the so-called nutritional values that you bother yourself about.

Here are five ways to help your kid eat the fruits instead of the  sweets and biscuits that may later have negative consequences
health- wise:

1.Set a good example .You have to fall in love with fruits yourself to be able to convince your kid to stick to fruits and forget about sweets and biscuits that they seem to be in love with already.

2.Allow Your Kid to choose the exact fruits he want to eat instead of forcing the ones you like on him simply because of what you’ve read about such fruits in a magazine , heard on radio or watched on television.

3. Pack your freezer and refrigerator full of fruits so that it will be easy for the kid to get one to eat whenever he is feeling like taking a snack.

4. Don’t keep sweets or biscuits at home as you used to and warn everybody that will come in contact with your kid to desist from offering the kid any sweets or biscuits.They should give the kid fruits instead.

5. Be artistic and humorous as well. Dress your melon, carrots or plantain with faces that are funny. This will certainly attract the kid and he will want to play with the fruit before eating it.

There you are .Do the above and send a reply to me soonest.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

This is an important subject that we all should feel very much attached to in order for the new generation of the human race keep coming and our world get expanded the right way.

Today we are experiencing teenagers who are becoming parents without really planning to be.It just happened by mistakes and suddenly they realised that they are already parents in their own right but without any knowledge of adequate know-how.

This is where the subject matter of this article comes in:

Won’t it be far better for all of us if parenting is taught as a subject in our schools especially at the very senior class level?

I feel we shou;ld now consider this.

Students who are already within the ages 16 and 19 need to know what parenting is all about so that they can decide on their own to either zip-up and never go into any unprotected sex with their partner or go into sex with the awareness that they would be responsible for the consequences of their sexual relationships.

What do you feel about this?

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

It is your duty as a parent to help your child to learn how to
visualize and create their own mental images perfectly
to their own advantage in all circumstances in order to become
highly creative.

The following are some of the ways by which you can help your
child to begin learning to visualize and create mental images
easily:

 1. Read to Your Child: You have to begin to read to your child, if you’ve not already formed the habit of doing so.Remember that what you want to do is to make the child begin to visualize and form mental images in his mind, therefore, you don’t need any picture book for this exercise.  
  
2. Use lots of expression as you read: Whenever you read you should use many expressions anytime a character in the story speaks. Better still, make sure that you give each character their own distinct voices. This will make the child have a picture of the character created in their mind.

3. Read aloud: You have to read the story aloud whenever you wan to  read to the child. This helps bring the story to life and make child  volunteer participant in the exercise.
  
 4. Make up a story: When you make up a story, you are encouraging the child to try and do their own story too. This is because the story  you may be making up could be about something that happened to you in the past.

 5. Read poetry: Poetry is known as the king of narration. Very short, precise and image-filled. It tends to have fewer pictures and a lot of  descriptive words, making it great for visualizing.

 6. Listen to books on CD or cassettes (audio books) with your child.You can tag such book as “mind movies.”

If all these are done, the child will without doubts become an image thinker and a highly motivated visualizer and creative person.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Should you worry yourself over this?

The answer is NO!

Life is meant to be spent to your personal benefit.

You can’t live your life to satisfy another person to your detriment.

The following are pieces of advice you  can make use of as a single parent:

* Never embarrass your children with the way you’re dating your new partner.

* Don’t keep late nights or sleep outside your home no matter the circumstance.

* Work hard and be there for your children whenever you’re needed.

* Don’t be tempted to bring men into your home.Yes, it’s your home quite right, but what lesson would you want your child to learn from you?

* Be ready to make sacrifices for the sake of your children. They are the reason you’re called a parent, mind you.

* Be strong and organise your life bur never to the  detriment of your children.

* Provide for the needs of your children so they could be like the children who still enjoy the company of both parents.

These are very valuable pieces of advice that you should always remember and commit to heart at all times.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz