Dr.Pickhardt is a psychologist in private counseling and lecturing practice in Austin, Texas. He received his B.A. and M.Ed. from Harvard, and his Ph.D, from the University of Texas at Austin. He is a member of the American and Texas Psychological Associations.

He has written columns for the Austin American Statesman (“Parenting the Teenager”), for the Austin Business Journal, Single Parent Magzine, Marriage and Family Living Magazine, Austin 360.com, and for Only Child Magazine (for which he is a contributing Editor.)

He is a well published author of parenting books, books of illustrated psychology, adult and children’s fiction, as well as being a graphic artist.He has published 25 books to date.

In 1988 he did weekly TV interviews about family life for Channel 24 (ABC, Austin). He has also been a guest on a Phil Donahue Show, Parentz 101 (FOX), Family Digest (Cable), and has done interviews for radio including Parents Journal and the Armin Brott Show.
Carl Pickhardt is married with 4 children and 1 grandchild.You can visit his website at:www.carlpickhardt.com

Could you tell us your name, location and age?

My name is Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. I am an author of parenting books and a psychologist in private
counseling and lecturing practice in Austin, Texas, USA. I am 71 years old with 4 grown children
and a grandson who is a sophomore in high school.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about parenting; is it worth it?

Dr.Carl:On its most basic level, parenting is how we propagate and prepare the next generation of our kind. If no one had children, no one would be a parent, and human kind would become extinct. But parenting is a choice, and it is not for everyone.Those adults who become parents and then do not find parenting “worth it” are usually those who do not want to invest the free time, shoulder the burden of responsibility, and accept the necessity for self sacrifice, that parenting entails. Parenting creates a host of rewards that begin with bonding and building a loving relationship with children who bond and love their relationship with you.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about breastfeeding?

Dr.Carl:Children are born connected to their mother and disconnected with their father who does not bear, birth, or breastfeed the child as the mother does. It is only by tending, talking, and touching that fathers start building a connection after the infant is born.In addition to the nutritional benefits, breastfeeding is a powerful way for mother and infant to connect, an act of deep and abiding physical and emotional intimacy.

Sikaz:What are the challenges of working and breastfeeding your baby?

Dr.Carl:The challenge of working and breast – feeding is the degree to which the job interrupts this nutritional/ relational connection and hence diminishes the contribution to maternal attachment that breast- feeding can create.Being held by another caring adult, however, and nursing from a bottle still has nutritional and attachment value. Jobs vary in the amount of flexibility they allow for mothers to breastfeed their child.

Sikaz:What are the things one should look out for while choosing a nanny?

Dr.Carl:A nanny is a surrogate parent for many young children, someone to whom the child socially and emotionally attaches. So parents need to be ready to accept the additional attachment they have created. It needs to be complimentary, not competitive, or parental jealousy can be aroused. Because all family systems are value systems, best to . pick a nanny whose approach to care taking and discipline are consistent with parental values.

Sikaz:Would you describe your older child’s experience when the younger child was born?

Dr.Carl:Oldest child is only child for a while, used to receiving all the love, attention, and resources parents have to give. A second child means the first child becomes dethroned by this new siblingcompetition.Now parents can feel regretful that they can never again give child number one the total attention they once did, and they can never give child number two the preoccupation they lavished on child number one.The challenge is for parents to help child number one (and themselves) understand that divided parental attention does not mean diminished love, and that there is still enough love to go around for everyone.

Sikaz:How would you describe your typical day as a parent?

Dr.Carl:The typical parental day is a divided one — focusing on one’s own personal and worldly demands, and maintaining sufficient focus on the welfare of one’s children. When you are single life is simple: you think about yourself. When you marry, life gets more complex: now you also think about your partner and your relationship. When you have children, life gets still more complex: you have to manage self as person, self as partner, and now self as parent, and the social unit that is a family. With this complexity, pressure of responsibility and care taking is drastically increased.

Sikaz:What is your personal opinion about teenage parenting?

Dr.Carl:To become a teenage parent creates a role change, from child to parent of a child, that alters one’s life in an older direction at an early age. This change matures a young person compared to peers who continue to enjoy social freedoms that teen parenthood to some degree now limits or denies. To become a teenage parent grows you up with maturity and weighs you down with responsibility.

Sikaz:What do you think could be done to stop teenagers’ involvements in violence and hard drugs?

Dr.Carl:Drug use and violence can provide adolescents with an outlet for illicit freedom at a rebellious age when independence from traditional childhood restraints has become all important. Under the influence of substances or intense emotional arousal (or peer influence), the young person feels free to do the forbidden.The antidote to rebellion is challenge. Young people who have healthy interests and opportunities through which they can challenge themselves to grow stronger and more responsible in self-affirming ways are less susceptible to the temptations of drug use and group violence.

Sikaz:What are the causes of teenage disrespect and how could it be stopped?

Dr.Carl:Parents who are willing to take clear, calm, and committed stands for their teenager’s best interests, and are willing to talk about those stands, listen to the young person’s opinions, and credit his or her self-interest, are most likely to be respected by their adolescent. Coercive parents who shut all communication down for the sake of control, may gain compliance, but not respect because respect cannot be commanded. It must be earned by treating the adolescent with respect.

Sikaz:What is your advice for those who are planning to be parents one day?

Dr.Carl:If you are planning to be a parent, make sure you want the responsibility and are ready for the self-sacrifice. And if you have a spouse, be prepared for more pressure on the marriage. Finally, understand that parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding life experiences there is.

Sikaz:What is your opinion about books, seminar and workshop on parenting?

Dr.Carl:Informed, thoughtful parenting beats ignorant, impulsive parenting. The more understanding parents have of themselves, of parenting, of child development (particularly during the adolescent years) the more adequate their decisions are likely to be.We live in an age of self-help books, seminars, groups, and workshops all of which can be both informative and supportive. Use them. Don’t go it alone.

Sikaz:Are parenting coaches relevant and helpful to parents?

Dr.Carl:Coaching is supportive, motivational, and strategic. In addition, parenting coaches need to know about the psychology of parenting, of child development, and particularly about the hard half of parenting, adolescence, that begins between ages 9 – 13, and doesn’t wind down until the early to mid twenties. Good parent coaches also need to be psychologically knowledgeable. When they are, they can be of significant help.

Sikaz:Some parents seem to be neglecting their parenting activities for their career, what is your opinion on this and its effects on the society at large?

Dr.Carl:As I describe in my book about adolescence, “The Connected Father,” it is particularly easy for fathers to ambitiously pursue career advancement at the expense of parenting involvement in the family, particularly during the more abrasive adolescent years. This can be a sad loss for everyone at home.However, times are changing. More fathers now want to be more involved in child raising and are investing more time and energy in family.For mothers, the career/at home conflict can be be painful because they still tend to be the more connected and committed parent.

Sikaz:Thank you doc,it’s been interesting interviewing you.

You can visit Dr.Carl Pickhardt at www.carlpickhardt.com

Do you wonder why this should be so?

Well, being a parent entails a lot most especially
being in charge of another human being makes you feel
a sense of responsibility indeed.

You will always have the indescribable feeling that
those who are not parent can never feel. You are
attached to that baby all of the time even when you
think you are right there at your work place.

Everything abut your life revolve round the children,
if you are the type that is really interested in
what your children grow up to be in life, you can never
have enough time for yourself or the children.

So, how do you cope with being a parent then?

The following are ways to cope as a new parent who is
truly interested in making a success of being a parent
at the end of the day:

1. Read Books on Parenting: This is a fact that most
parents have neglected because they don’t seem to realize
the need for them. What l want you to know here is that
most of the books on parenting are well-researched and
are probably written by parenting coaches, parenting
experts, parents who have had practical parenting
experiences for many years.You’ll be tapping into the
results of many years of experiences as researchers or
as real parents who had passed through the process you
are about to go through as a new parent.

2. Seek Help from Experienced Parents: If you want to
succeed in parenting will urge you to seek the help of
experienced parents who could be your neighbours, work-
mates, friends church members, or relations. The people
have garnered a lot of practical experiences that you
can just get for free without feeling bad consulting them.

3. Be Ready To Spend Money: Being a parent would require
that you will be spending a lot of money taking charge
of the growth and well-being of your baby right from the
very day of conception in pregnancy. You should be ready
to go through that without hesitation because it isyour
responsibility which can’t be passed to another person.

4. Establish a Close Relationship with Your Partner: You
may not have thought about this as something you should be
worrying yourself with. However, it is an important aspect
of parenting you must think about.Your relationship with
the mother or father of your baby is very important in the
development of the child and its well-being. It’s been
proved that a home where the two parents are at peace with
each other will guarantee a balanced growth for the baby.

5. Get Additional Source of Revenue: You need to get some
other sources of revenue to be able to successfully cope
with being a parent in today’s world because there so many
things you need to spend your money on to get your child
where you desire that they should be.

Basically, these are five of the ways by which you can cope
with being a parent. You can see that they are practicable
and easy to do for those who truly desire to get their
parenting on the way to success.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Have you taken your time to study the situation around you
in recent time?

Is your husband satisfied with you even as you don’t seem
to be having enough time for him unlike you were doing before
the arrival of the kids?

Check your marital life occasionally to seem that nothing you are
doing to the kids is affecting your relationship with your husband.

I have experienced a situation that a father began to be jealous of
his own kids simply because their mother concentrated more of her
time to the nursing of the kids than the time she had for him.

I must warn you that you need to balance your time between the your
husband and your kids. If you can’t do this simple time management
then you better prepare yourself for the inevitable consequences at
the end of the day.

Your marriage should not suffer because your time is devoted much
more to your kid.

You must remember that your man was always there with you before
the coming of your kids and he would always be there with you when
the kids have grown and are ready to leave home to establish their
own families elsewhere.

Your future with your husband is only guaranteed now if you maintain
a loving relationship with him as you do with your kids.

The truth is that you can maintain that balance, if you really want to.
But not everybody can do so.

Give this a deep thought and see if you could work it out pretty good.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz.

As a parent you should try to understand the underlining factors that your kid  reject fruits which are certain to give the kid more nutritional value than the biscuits or sweets they prefer to eat instead.

Kids that eat sweets and biscuits are already hooked on the sweetness of the products and care less about  the so-called nutritional values that you bother yourself about.

Here are five ways to help your kid eat the fruits instead of the  sweets and biscuits that may later have negative consequences
health- wise:

1.Set a good example .You have to fall in love with fruits yourself to be able to convince your kid to stick to fruits and forget about sweets and biscuits that they seem to be in love with already.

2.Allow Your Kid to choose the exact fruits he want to eat instead of forcing the ones you like on him simply because of what you’ve read about such fruits in a magazine , heard on radio or watched on television.

3. Pack your freezer and refrigerator full of fruits so that it will be easy for the kid to get one to eat whenever he is feeling like taking a snack.

4. Don’t keep sweets or biscuits at home as you used to and warn everybody that will come in contact with your kid to desist from offering the kid any sweets or biscuits.They should give the kid fruits instead.

5. Be artistic and humorous as well. Dress your melon, carrots or plantain with faces that are funny. This will certainly attract the kid and he will want to play with the fruit before eating it.

There you are .Do the above and send a reply to me soonest.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

This is an important subject that we all should feel very much attached to in order for the new generation of the human race keep coming and our world get expanded the right way.

Today we are experiencing teenagers who are becoming parents without really planning to be.It just happened by mistakes and suddenly they realised that they are already parents in their own right but without any knowledge of adequate know-how.

This is where the subject matter of this article comes in:

Won’t it be far better for all of us if parenting is taught as a subject in our schools especially at the very senior class level?

I feel we shou;ld now consider this.

Students who are already within the ages 16 and 19 need to know what parenting is all about so that they can decide on their own to either zip-up and never go into any unprotected sex with their partner or go into sex with the awareness that they would be responsible for the consequences of their sexual relationships.

What do you feel about this?

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

It is your duty as a parent to help your child to learn how to
visualize and create their own mental images perfectly
to their own advantage in all circumstances in order to become
highly creative.

The following are some of the ways by which you can help your
child to begin learning to visualize and create mental images
easily:

 1. Read to Your Child: You have to begin to read to your child, if you’ve not already formed the habit of doing so.Remember that what you want to do is to make the child begin to visualize and form mental images in his mind, therefore, you don’t need any picture book for this exercise.  
  
2. Use lots of expression as you read: Whenever you read you should use many expressions anytime a character in the story speaks. Better still, make sure that you give each character their own distinct voices. This will make the child have a picture of the character created in their mind.

3. Read aloud: You have to read the story aloud whenever you wan to  read to the child. This helps bring the story to life and make child  volunteer participant in the exercise.
  
 4. Make up a story: When you make up a story, you are encouraging the child to try and do their own story too. This is because the story  you may be making up could be about something that happened to you in the past.

 5. Read poetry: Poetry is known as the king of narration. Very short, precise and image-filled. It tends to have fewer pictures and a lot of  descriptive words, making it great for visualizing.

 6. Listen to books on CD or cassettes (audio books) with your child.You can tag such book as “mind movies.”

If all these are done, the child will without doubts become an image thinker and a highly motivated visualizer and creative person.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Should you worry yourself over this?

The answer is NO!

Life is meant to be spent to your personal benefit.

You can’t live your life to satisfy another person to your detriment.

The following are pieces of advice you  can make use of as a single parent:

* Never embarrass your children with the way you’re dating your new partner.

* Don’t keep late nights or sleep outside your home no matter the circumstance.

* Work hard and be there for your children whenever you’re needed.

* Don’t be tempted to bring men into your home.Yes, it’s your home quite right, but what lesson would you want your child to learn from you?

* Be ready to make sacrifices for the sake of your children. They are the reason you’re called a parent, mind you.

* Be strong and organise your life bur never to the  detriment of your children.

* Provide for the needs of your children so they could be like the children who still enjoy the company of both parents.

These are very valuable pieces of advice that you should always remember and commit to heart at all times.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

The pity of it is that most parents who have teens around them seem not to be aware of these problems that their teens are facing every day of their lives.

Here are five problems of teens every parent must know about to become successsful parents:

1. Teens Won’t Take Responsibility -  By their tender nature,most teens won’t take responsibility for anything.Though they strongly believe that they have past the age whereby their parents should treat them like little children,the fact is that they hardly voluntarily subject themselves to taking respponsibility for  anything done or that should be done by them.

2.They go around being bored all the time – Have you noticed this in your teenage child?This is just natural with every teen.They are always very bored and they usually want to get themselves engaged in something to ‘kill’ the time. Anytime you observe this ,just get your child out to meet other teens in the neighbourhood where he or she can get engaged in  whatever will excite him or her.

3.Teens Lie - Teens are all the same no matter where they are from.They seem to like telling lies to everyone around them.Perhaps your teen doesn’t do that,then you should see him or her as an exception. Because teenagers don’t usually owned up anytime they are  caught on the wrong side of things.

4.Teens Are Usually Full of Anger – Yes, teens are very sensitive.They are easily  provoked.Anger mangement in teens is at the zero level most of the time.They walk about like a time-bomb that is  ready to explode at anytime.Check this out in your teens and be ready at all times to samguard him or her from exploding at the wrong time or in the wrong place.

5.Your teen may be into drugs with a bad crowd well.Your dear little ‘angel’may actually be dealing in drugs – You read that without your knowledge. And this is why you need to maintain a friendly and cordial relationship with your teen to get through to him or her anytime there ois a problem.

You have to be very close to understand what is going on in your  child’s life.If you are not frindly with eachother, the child will not disclose anything to you even if he is dealing in drug.You will only get to know if he leaves behind the telltales or signs of drugs anywhere in the house, and then it may be too late to control him because he might have become a real addict.

These are five of  the problems you may be having with your teenage child.Therefore you have to look out for them at all times in order to
be able to curb them before they get excalated.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz

There are many mothers out there who are not worthy of the name “mother” in the real sense of the word.

Mothers come in different shapes and manners across race,ethnicity or religious leaning. But being a good mother is universally acceptable as the best thing to being called a mother indeed.

It is therefore very essential that a person who is aspiring to give birth to her own babies  should learn to be a good mother to such a baby.

The following are tips that will make you a good mother, provided you do them.

* Be there for your children by providing there physical, emotional and financial needs at all  times.

* Provide avenue for your children to tell you whatever is bothering them.

* Be supportive to your children and inculcate good values in them.

* Encourage the things that give your children  joy as long as such things are not harmful to them.

* Support those things that will make them fulfill their dreams in life.

* Be approachable, you will never regret being so.

* Give your children reason to be confident that their mother will treat them well.

* Create a way to make your children express themselves irrespective of what it is they have to talk about.

* Love your children unconditionally.

* Be there for your children and never allow your devotion to your work be detrimental to the care of your children.

* Discipline your children where there is the need for it. But you must discipline in love.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Do you feel that you must be very careful, or perhaps extremely careful and caring about your only child to the extent that you must care for the child as if you’re caring for four other children you’ve not had.

Do you shower your only child with so much care that you’re even bothered about what others think of you and the way and manner you care for your only child?

Well, there is no harm in that.

I don’t hold anything against you for what you’re doing.After all it’s your life and that of your child.

However, l want to point your attention to the sins you may be committing unwittingly in your parenting activities while caring for your only child.

These are sins that you can avoid if only you are a little careful about your actions towards your only child.

The sins are so important in your child’s life that they should be of concern to you as a parent who truly loves his or her child to the extent of wanting to make whatever sacrifice there is to be made even at your own expense and possible negative effects on the child.

These are the sins of parenting an only child that you must try to avoid if you must make a success of  your parenting efforts:

1.Overindulging and overcompensating: You’re probably
overindulging your child without knowing it simply because he or child is the only child you have now.The consequences of this is that your child will not see life the real way it is. You’ve not allowed him or her to go through  the necessary hardships that will perhaps toughen him or her to become a person that could fit into whatever situation he or she may find himself or herself in life.

2.Treating your child like an adult: It’s a sin to go about treating your only child like an adult when he or she isn’t. This is a child and that’s the simple truth about the situation on ground.

Your child should be allowed to pass through the normal stages of human growth and nothing short of that would be tolerated. You can’t create a vacuum because nature will not allow that. Your child can’t jump over what he or she should naturally go through.

3.Over praising your child: Don’t be tempted to over praise your child no matter how impressed you’re with whatever activity he or she has performed to your satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m trying to very careful here because l don’t want to be misunderstood completely.

You should praise your child if you’re impressed by what he or she has done. But you’ll be making a mistake if you over do it. Praise is a human need because we all thrive on praises shower on us by those who appreciate
what we’re doing or what we’ve done.

4. Overprotecting your child: Let your child know that you’re there for him or her at all times, but never be tempted to go beyond the normal by overprotecting the child.

What is wrong in overprotecting your child is simply that the child will never be wrong as far as you’re concerned. She or he will never learn the right lessons of life which is that all of us must strive and struggle for ourselves without relying on others to help us defend us at all times.

Let your child protect him or herself with a little contribution on your own part. By so doing the child will be developed and feel safe even when you’re not there to protect him or her.

5.Failing to make rules: The world is orderly simply because it’s guided by rules and order. For this reason we all must learn to go by the laws of nature for us to be peaceful in life.

If you fail to make rules that will guide your child’s life simply because the child is an only child, then you’re already showing the way to crisis and chaos in the child’s life because there will be no orderliness in the child’s life.

These are the five sins of parenting an only child which you should avoid as a concerned parent.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz