Today l feel most honoured to present Dr. Naomi Aldort Ph.D,a speaker,writer and a parenting expert. She is the author of the book

“Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves”

Dr. Naomi,as l fondly call her, reponded to my questions in an interview,and this is her view on the above topic which was part of the numerous questions l asked her.

I hope you’ll find Dr.Naomi’s view as interesting,educative and thought-provoking as l did.

Kindly read further:

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If we want teenagers to authentically feel a sense of respect for others and for life, we must respect them from the day they are born. They learn respect by being respected.

If we control children, tell them what to do or say, interrupt their play, test them, patronize and shame or embarrass them, they will do the same as soon as they can, which is as teenagers. They are our mirrors. If they feel manipulated and controlled, they will  show us their despair in ways we call “disrespect.”

Instead of seeking respect, we must find out why a youth is so angry, bitter, or careless. Give a teenager space, yet stay caring, interested and connected.

However, even when we treat children with respect and care, as teenagers they sometimes become “allergic” to us. That’s as it should be and this
is not disrespect. We must not take ourselves so  seriously as to need their respect.

Instead, we must have a sense of humor and respect  for the confusing and difficult stage teenagers are going through. Much of what is called “disrespect” in teenagers, is not really disrespect.

If we listen we can address the issue, and if there is no real issue, we can lighten up and have a sense of humor about their age appropriate antics. It is
hormonal and transitional; it passes.

The expectation, “My teenager should respect me,” gets in the way of understanding the teenager’s valid reason to be the way he is. In addition,
the thought “My teen does not respect me,” is not even true.

If you respected his autonomy all along, he does respect you. Yet, this is not his time to show it to you on your terms and in your way. Expecting him
to behave on your terms is actually disrespectful.

Instead, read between the lines and realize that he can’t express it now and will come around if youtrust and respect his process.

He loves you and depends on your ability to flow with his temporary clumsy social skills with you.

A teenager is biologically set-up to be put off by his parents. It is a transition from being someone’s daughter or son, to being an adult member of society.

Teenagers must go through this phase, sometimes with more fanfare and sometimes more sweetly. If we show some understanding rather than judging, teenagers move on and turn back to us when they feel that we see them as equal.

When expecting a teen to be who he is not, we create anger and disconnection. Without such expectation, we can see what he is going through and I realize that it is up to us to respect him and to understand, support and connect with him where he is.

A teenager is much more likely to seek parental advice and listen, when the relationship is void of pressure and manipulation.

Kindness and understanding keep the teen close to you at heart, even when he doesn’t show it.

Instead of dictating your standards, listen to your teenager.

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You can locate Dr Naomi Aldort at her sites for free newsletter, information on teleclasses, phone sessions and products.

Now go to:

www.NaomiAldort.com
www.AuthenticParent.com

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz

Let not your spirit be weary teaching your child the right values!

You’re tired of repeating yourself over and over again, aren’t you?

Sure! Every reasonable person will…

We get worked up when we’re made to sound like a crack disc; repeating the same instruction to our children every time.

It’s disheartening that children seem to be somewhat carefree in their attitude to parental instruction. But you need not let them wear you out.

Most times you will need to repeat yourself while telling your child the end for personal hygiene; as they don’t see any reason why they should keep their clothes clean and change them when they are soiled.

Bathing and brushing of teeth every morning and night, is probably not his concern except if you press hard to make it happen.

Have you, at anytime, sat down to find out the reason behind this behaviour?

Why is your child ‘hurting’ you so much and making you to get exasperated repeating the same instruction several times?

It could be either of these two reasons:
(a) Forgetfulness; and
(b) Deliberate attempt to disobey.

Because children’s minds are filled with so many ideas about leisure activities, they find it hard to remember our instructions on values. Those things are not programmed into their to-do memory.

You might have offended your child without knowing it; he feels the only way to get back at you will be to deliberately turn down your instruction and make you yell at him.

You yell…

Consequently, you hurt yourself in the process; and he feels delighted doing it.

There is a remedy!

1. See your child as an individual who has a mind of his own.

2. Don’t keep quiet; you don’t have to. But don’t yell at him. Keep talking.

3. Keep teaching him the value of integrity, hard work, fear of God, and respect for constituted authority.

4. You must open the communication line between you and your child. Until the message sinks in his mind, your job is not done yet.

5. Listen to what he has to say.You’re the parent, and so what?You’ve got to put an end to being dogmatic and don’t take every matter seriously.

6. Reach a compromise by sparing time to engage your child in useful no-hold-bared discussion. And listen carefully!

That is the trick…you’ve got to listen, if you want to have p-e-a-c-e !

Pay attention to your child and hear what he is saying as the world is changing.

Believe me, if you do all of the above, your child will always listen to your instructions and obey .He will turn out to be the best of friend you can ever have.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.
Sikaz

Anger is a natural display of emotion by human beings.
There are many ways by which every person tries to show
his anger physically.

Your child,like every normal human being,usually
get angry over some unpleasant experiences she or he
is going through.

But do you know when your child’s anger signals are
displayed?

Can you sense it when the physical display of anger is
being shown by your child?

Perhaps you’ve not made an effort to even study your
child’s emotion.

Perhaps you’re even less concerned about the child’s
anger as long as you’re not disturbed by whatever
emotion he or she is passing through.

Well, you should begin to observe your child’s
physical display of his or her anger because the
signals are so obvious for a descerning person to
see.

Here are three ways by which you can easily identify
your child’s anger physically:

* Clenching Fists: A child that is angry will normally
clench his or her fists because the muscles are all going
to tightened just to push away whatever is causing him or
her to get so angry.So you have to observe this physical
display just to be sure.

* Shortness of Breath: Anger can’t be hidden because it’s
always in display for whoever cares to see.You must try to
see if your child’s breath is normal or not.A shortness in
your child’s breath means that he or she is really angry.

* Sweating:From the face to the palms and the whole body,
your angry child will be covered by his or her own sweat
to show you that he or she is very angry with whatever
situation he or she is facing a that point in time. For
quick and easy identification of the child’s mood,take
a look at the child’s forehead and you will notice some
sweat coming out.

There you are, the three physical signals of anger in your
child are listed above for easy identification.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Identifying and articulating your child’s feelings could be a daunting problem at times because teenagers are known to be secretive in nature.

Teenagers, especially the boys pretend to their parents about their feelings in order not to be seen as weaklings.

Boys tend to be open to their friends much more than their parents when it comes to matters of personal feelings as they feel much more comfortable even when they are laughed at.

Emotional expression that borders on irritation,embarrassment,disappointment, anger, sex and inadequacy are usually bottled up by teenagers so that their parents are not aware of such feelings.

You must be observant as a parent. You must be aware about the way your teenage child is feeling at every moment if you don’t want to experience unpalatable consequences of such bottled-up emotions.

Here are some of the ways by which you can identify and articulate your child’s feelings at all times:

* Ask The Child About His Feeling: Don’t hesitate to ask your teenage child questions about his or her feelings at all times. The good thing is that most human beings, your child inclusive, hardly succeed in keeping up with pretenses for too long.

* Ensure Your Child Talks To You: You should try to make sure your child talks to you no matter what  it will take you to get that done. Most teenagers don’t find that funny though. But as a parent you must create a conducive the atmosphere for that to happen successfully because that is the only way by which you can break the emotional ice.

* Create The Opportunity: Why do you thin your teenage child is not feeling easy to talk to you about his or her emotional feelings? Why would a child you’ve brought to this world keeping his or her feelings away from you?

This is a question you need to ask yourself most times.

Well, your child does so because he or she has not been given the impression that you’re his or her friend from the onset. You’ve not created the conducive environment for that kind of close relationship between you and the child.

Now is the time to learn to create such close relationship so that your child could begin to see you as a friend who he or she could rely on when it comes to matters relating to his or her emotional feelings.

* Create The Necessary Space: Most teenagers l know feel caged by their parents and they desire to have their on space where that will feel very comfortable all alone.You have to create enough space for your child so as to make your home a comfortable environment for him or her to stay. This is the only reason why your teenage child is not sitting at home and always go outside to look for comfort among his or her friends.

* Provide A Shoulder To Lean On: You should now begin to provide a friendly comfort for your child to stay with you whenever he or she is feeling troubled by whatever he or she has encountered in his or her sojourn on earth.

There is no better ways to do this than the provision of a comfortable shoulder to lean on in times of trouble.The realisation of the fact that there is a parent around to share his or her problems with without any dust being
raised will make their child express him or herself better for you to provide the right solution without apportioning blames.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Do you have a teenage child who is brilliant, creative and perhaps ‘friendly’ outside the home, but turns out to be somehow hostile and defiant at home.

Has your child ever ran away for hours or even days in protest against your decision about what he is trying to do or is already doing?

Relax you aren’t alone, so many other parents are experiencing the same the from their teenage children these days.

The following are the steps you should take when your teenage child is becoming rebellious:

1. Try to find out what is bugging him, but count yourself lucky if he tells you.

2. Start to give him some space and latitude and recognize the fact that he is a young man who possesses raging hormones.

3. Offer him new, more flexible rules .Don’t allow for any question from him, neither should you explain. Just give them to him.

4. Give him chances to make his own mistakes, which are also opportunities to earntrust. Never expect him to be perfect, he is still a teenager, after all.

5. Treat him as if he has just packed into your house; negotiate with him and set new boundaries.

6. Don’t be tempted to hold any family counseling section where you would unwittingly be forcing him into talking about his feelings in front of his sisters and his mom, l’m sure he will hate that. The possible result would be that he will lie and say whatever everyone wants to hear.
7. Recognize that he is a grown up and he needs some serious adult responsibilities, and some trust too.

8. If you are going to pick your kid up at the park, you must agree on a meeting place somewhere nearby because teenagers do not always like being picked up in front of their friends.

9. Learn how to communicate with him. He will respond best when  approached indirect and talk about things which will not make him feel that he is that exposing himself emotionally thereby subjecting his feelings to a  risk.

10. Don’t ever bring in counselors as it will worsen the relationship between you and your kid instead of improving it.. The child may see it as an admission that you can not cope on their own. The likely consequence of this is probably going to be a loss of respect from your child.

Rebellion is a thing every one of us have tried (in our past years) at one time or the other. Therefore, it will be advised that you should try all of or any of the above solutions and see which one would work.

The main point, however, is to see your teenage child as a human being; who is still young but who is trying to grown up faster than his age. For this reason, he cannot be perfect and should never be expected to be so.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Video games are here to stay as children love to play them and there is or nothing you can do about it as a parent.

Some parentds don’t like their children playing video games and they will go to any extent to ensure that thechildren are truly not playing video games either on theirmobile phones or with the other devices.But the question is very simple:is there a harm in playing video games?

Well, to some parents, ther sure are harms hence they will never let their poor little children near video games for any reason whatsoever.

Here are seven reasons l feel parents should let their children play video games:

1.Everybody plays the games: Vatually everyone that l know takes delight in playing video games and this includes your children’s friends.The truth is that if you don’t allow your own children to play video games at home,they will eventually get to play the game at their friends’ places where you’ll not be able to monitor them.So, why don’t you just give them the required permission and buy the games for them and monitor their activities as they play right there in your sitting room?

2. Video Game makes your children Smarter: I’m not simply saying this for the fun of it;the fact isthat when a child engages in video games he will getsmarter with every other thiungs he is to do as the game usually provide children many challenges that will make them improve different skills like reading logical reasoning and mathematical calculations skill.

3. Video Game Develops Creativity: The games will provide the avenue for your children to develop their creative energy just as they will stimulate basic computer skills in them throguh a fun process not as in a formal classroom situation.

4.Video Games keep kids out of trouble: Do you desire that your children are kept out of trouble?Then the perfect solution to that is to get them to play video games that automatically keep them out of trouble since it will occupy their time.

5.Children Will Learn Patience: Playing video games ensures that a child will learn to be patient since he will sometime have to wait for his opponent to make their moves which will give him the chance to score his point to win the game.

6.Video games is an avenue for children to be together: Playing video games usually provides the avenue for  your children to come together either to play against one another or to form a team.

7.Video games teach children decision-making: Since video games require action and respond about what one is seeing on the screen,it then requires fast decision making.An intelligent child will use the opportunity to learn decision-making if he doesn’t want to be beaten by opponents all the time.

Video games are very good indeed and every parent should try to get their children one or two games at home,if not for anything just for the benefit that are listed above.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

A baby walker is used when a child has not developed a
steady ability to walk on his own,but he is already old enough
to sit securely.

It is a good tool in training a baby to walk.However, there is a
need to take the necessary precautions while using the baby
walker in order to prevent your baby from having an aviodable
injury.

The following preventive measures should be taken when
your baby is on a baby walker:

1. The baby walker should be used only on a smooth flat floor
without carpets,door threshold or any form of obstructing
object that may cause the baby walker to tip over while the
baby is using it.

2. There should always be somebody around to oversee how
the baby is using the baby walker in order to prevent an
unforeseeable injury as quickly as it is about to occur.

3. Before putting your baby on his baby walker, try to close
your gate and stair guards securely.

4. Make sure your baby’s walker has at least six wheels and
a wheel which is wider and longer than the normal height of
the seat.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

Communication is a way of expressing yourself to another person for easy understanding of your feelings.Teenagers are known to be restless in their ways,they are by nature hard to handle.Unfortunately, most poarents of teenagers don’t get it right withmatters of communicsation with their teenage children.Is it so difficuylt that parents could not deal withtheir children?Are there no way of communicating with the teenagers easily?There are tricks to communicating with your teenage children which are simple and sraight-forward enough for everybody to use provided you’re ready to do so.The following are the ways by which you can communicate with your teenage children:*Respect them:Respect is reciprocal.Respect begets respect and if you respect your teenage children they will respect you too.Automatically,his friends too will respect you without hesisation If you’re rude to your teenage children in your children,they will be rude to you and show total disrespect and disobedience to your rules and commands.*Learn To Be Patient: You’ve gotr to be patient with your teenage chgildren at all times.Dealing with teenage children could be daunting because they are every so restless due to their energy level.Teenagers forget things easily and the only thing to do to please them and accomplish your goal is to be patient with them always.*Be Considerate:You’ve got to be considerate in everything you do towards your teenage children.In this way you will not hesitate to see things from your children’s point of view when the situation calls for it.Always try to show deep understanding of the thing your child is goingthrough at the moment.Try as much as possible to talk to your teenage children openly about anything that they should know or whatever they are doing that you don’t understand. When you communicate with your teenage children,they will develop total confidence in themselvesand free to express themselves wherever they find themselves.Or when they are troubled about any matter.Why not try to open your door for every member of your family to have a regular dinner as a unit.At that timeefforts must be made to ask specific questions in orderto draw members of your family,especially the teenage children,into a conversation with the intention of knowing their feelings about matters relating to them.Enjoy your parenting efforts.Sikaz   

It is your responsibility to build tolerance in your child,if you want to be seeing as a responsible parent.

Tolerance is a character any child could develop albeit not as easily as many of us think because , by nature every human being usually get pissed off by the things that look irritating around them.

The truth is that parents have a lot to do with how their children develop the habit of tolerance in them.

A tolerant parent who shows tolerance every time every day and in every place in the presence of their children is indirectly teaching the children how to be tolerant in every circumstance they find themselves.

The following some of the known ways by which every determined parent could build tolerance in their children.

•Talk about tolerance with your child:It’s important for you as a parent to talk to your child about tolerance.Define the word;explain the meaninf of the word using many practical life experiences,preferably the one the child is familiar with.Never, at any time, feel that the child should naturally develop the habit of tolerance automaically on his own which being taught how to do so.

•Identify and Challenge intolerant behaviour:Be vigilant.This is the right attitude you must learn if  you want to succeed as a parent.The purpose of  this is for you to be  able to identify and challenge every intolerant behaviuor your child may try to show at any time.You should nip it in the bud before it escalate to such a level that you don’t like.

•Be a role model for your child: There is nothing
comparable to teaching your child by example.You have to live the type of behaviour you would like to see in your child.Your tolerance must show for everyone,including your child in particular, to see and learn from.

•Support your child: Like l said earlier,to cultivate the habit of tolerance, you have to do a lot of work as it will nevr come easy.Therefore,while your child is learning the rope in his effort at becoming tolerant,make sure you support him so he can realise his goal.Your support will naturally give him the impetus to carry on with the habit of tolerance even when he’s been laughed at by his freinds or other people around him.

Enjoy your parenting eforts.
Sikaz

Are you a busy dad?

Is your life anything like this:

Commuting to or from work, business travel,scheduled and
unscheduled meetings and attending to files even as you close
the door behind you in your master bedroom?

Most busy dads hardly have time for their children,they work
so hard that they tend to end up unwittingly denying their children
a valuable time which should have been positively used together as
a family.

Well, you don’t need to worry for too long because here you will be
learning how to make maximum impact as a busy dad in the life of
your children.

It is possible to raise the kids you want in the time you have.You
needn’t feel anyway guilty with yourself.

Simply follow these steps and see how much impact you would be
making in the life of your kids as a very busy dad:

* Be involved in your kids’ schooling – Try attend
the child’s”Back-to-School Night” and other activities once in a
while,or even every time since such things don’t happen every day.

* Give your child a few minutes to play together,no matter how   short,everyday before leaving home for work.Your kid will definitely appreciate the few minutes.

* Build relationships with your child’s teachers.Teacher appreciate it and communicate more with parents they have met physically.The consequence is that your child won’t get away with anything because he will surely be reported.

* Plan a trip with your child.There are always some work-free days

that would involve both you and your child.So, while not plan a short trip together?You will be glad you did as your child will forever thank you for it.

* Develop the habit of listening to your child anytime he talks to you. I don’t mean that you should just pretend that you are paying attention while you are not.Deliberately pay serious attention and let your child be convince that you are.

These are just a few of the things you can do to make maximum impact as a busy dad in the life of your children.You need to be fully engaged in the development of your children regardless of how busy you think you are.

Take action right now and see how your parenting life will improve

for the better.

Enjoy your parenting efforts.

Sikaz

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